April 16, 2013

New Wave Of Sleazy Chips (NWOSC)

I never know what to expect from Chio Chips, sometimes they make good shit (Xtreme Wasabi, Salt and Vinegar of even the controversial Mint Chips, which I enjoyed, please don't fire me), but they've had their fair share of stupid stuff (Xtreme Chilli and Xtreme Curry, whose hottness was obliterated by that of the mighty Wasabi). On that note, the Wasabi ones are my favourite chips of all time I guess, not necessarily for the taste, but for actually being fucking spicy and very hard to eat, unlike most "Hot" chips. Pringles have something going on with spiciness too. Now, for our feature presentation:

Translation: "New flavours, irresistible, obey"

Chio Chips Hot Wings

Well, the hot wing ones are quite alright, for starters. The flavour is an ok choice, and the taste is cool too, but there are three problems with this. One, Chio already had the popular Chicken Flavour, which are actually better that this shady (slim?) remake. Two, the package says the're supposed to be "hot", and they are most certainly not. And three, the one thing that bugs me the most with them, and one of the reasons that I am probably not going to buy these a lot, is the fact that once you eat a bag from start to finish all by yourself (you're going to, anyway, I am fond on lonely friday nights, filled with chips and cheap horror flicks or the latest big bucks drama show via the Internet), your finger get fucking covered in that fucking flavour, and, unlike Cheetos or any other bag-food, that shit stays with you for quite some time. No matter how many times you wash your hands, that repulsive chicken wing smell (that's goon on chips, but not on finger tips) sticks, and you have to live with that for a couple of days. Ungh.

Chio Chips Shawarma

23rd July, 34°C, 12:15 PM. Your Motorola 2006 phone wakes you up, it's fucking noon, and outside you can find the highest temperature there can ever be ever. You throw on your best white undershirt, stains included, some colours nobody's ever heard about. Your Dacia 1300 awaits you, grill in the back, 6-packs of Bucegi in the front, official beer of Romania. You pick up as many friends as your 70s Romanian car can hold, so about 7 or 8, and head for the nearest public forest in town. Amazingly, you manage to find a place of unhabited natural paradise, so let's cook some fucking weiners and mici. Sunflower seeds and all, you just can't wait for the meat to cook, and the manele blasting in the background only makes you hungrier. If only there can be something that tastes horribly sleazy and cheap, and can be eaten with mayonnaise. Stop.

What about those 10 bags of Chio Chips Shawarma you just bought last night?

Glorious day, you find yourself and your 7-8 friends stripped naked, fighting like animals for the shawarma chips, clawing at eachother and making unheard-of sounds in the virgin wild. One will survive and win the chips. Hours pass, the ritual continues. No one hears your pack. Victory, you are the one. You are the best. The Day is over. Feast. You have succeded. 

They're not that good though.


  1. Even to me, these look totally gross.

    1. Made out of Satanic Potatoes, cultivated in the depths of Hell, under the direct guidance of Samael Satanail "The Tat".

      The chicken wing powder used for flavouring is made out still breathing chickens, grinded and mashed in gigantic iron grinders (like the ones you see in Yuri's Revenge -- yeah, that Soviet metal tech shit), all while the barely hatched young chicks watch their mothers being turned into bloody pulp.

      That is the way of Chio (Chio actually translates as "The Chips of Lamashtu" in ancinet Persian)

    2. Well, fuck this, forgive my typos. You guys get the general idea.