July 30, 2012

TZEEEAC Podcast Episode 2: Summer Jamz


Episode 2 of the TZEEEAC Podcast has finally rolled up, which should get you really excited because this time Marco has joined me on the mic. WOOP-WOOP! Together, we tear through almost two hours of sweet summer songs that will get your blood pumping on the beach. There is almost no horrible death metal to be found in this episode, though, so some of you freaks should stay well clear of this episode. Unless you also happen to like Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes or Die Antwoord, too.

So tune in on the debauchery! Things you will miss if you don't:

- endless chatter
- lo-fi production
- music by Graveyard, The Black Keys, Arctic Monkeys, You Handsome Devil, Them Crooked Vultures, Mac Lethal & more
- feelings getting hurt
- Marco banging his hands on the desk because he has anger management issues
- cheese pie
- a man arguing with a goat
- Chester destroying furniture

AND SO MUCH MORE. Also, thank you notes and a big shout out to Andrei Ganera for providing us with a weird theme song. Enjoy!


1. Arctic Monkeys - Brick By Brick
2. The Black Keys - Hard Row
3. Kyuss - Green Machine
4. Eagles of Death Metal - Cherry Cola
5. You Handsome Devil - The City of Toronto Does Not Accept Add-Requests from Bands
6. Howler - Beach Sluts
7. Graveyard - Hisingen Blues
8. Wolfmother - Woman
9. Gotthard - Everything Can Change
10. Queens of the Stone Age - Sick, Sick, Sick
11. Mac Lethal - Rotten Apple Pie
12. Them Crooked Vultures - No One Loves Me and Neither Do I
13. Iron Monkey - Supagorgonizer
14. The Strokes - Reptilia
15. The Cribs - Come Be A No One
16. Gogol Bordello - Immigrant Punk
17. Die Antwoord - Enter the Ninja



Delicious cheese pie
Your loving hosts

July 29, 2012

The Chronicles of Israfel – Starborn, Tome I (2007)

For my second review, I originally had in mind presenting Giant Squid’s opus magnum “The Ichthyologist”, but that was before I realized I am not yet prepared for tackling with an album of such belligerent nature (yes, every time I listen to it my brain gets a hell of a beating, somewhat like an upgraded version of Fight Club). Worry not though, my dear readers/Tzeeeac fanboys and girls, I have something special prepared in the form of a home brewed Canadian stew (I know, I know, it’s not a beverage) that aptly takes the name of the title that befits this article. But first, a little history:

Back in 2002, there was a little game that saw the day of light and hit the shelves of the industry stores proudly going by the name of Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 (wait, hold on, there is a connection, I beg you to keep reading). It had, imho, the best soundtrack that you could ask for considering its nature as an arcade racing game, full of rock/techno songs, all of them that still get constant “airtime” from my home-made-and-inappropriately-huge-speakers-built-to-annoy-the-neighbours (yes, I’m bragging, so either sue me or read on). All things considered, there was one song that tickled my fancy a tad more than the others, and that song was Build Your Cages, belonging to the now defunct Pulse Ultra (more specific, it was the single taken from the band’s only release, Headspace, an album that’s also begging for a review from yours truly).  One of the founders of this band was Dominic Cifarelli, composer, producer, multi-instrumentalist and all-around genius if you ask me, and The Chronicles of Israfel (yes, that is the band’s name, I’ve not yet went goo-goo-ga-ga on you) is his proud-born solo outing after the splitting of Pulse Ultra.

Now that this image of “Yes, my name is Israfel, I’m a mastermind and if you don’t listen to my album until your eyes pop out I will destroy you!” has sunk into your brain, we will continue. 

What say you, it hasn’t? Well then, let me be kind enough and make you watch it again, only this time bigger and more pixelated: 

Are you a mindless minion now, ready to listen and absorb my words? Are you? Hmm? Yes?? GOOD THEN, let’s continue.

The album turns its swag on with a big, bold and bad-ass trio of instrumental depictions of Dominic’s guitar mastery, in both skill and composition. I say this because rarely have I listened to a near-perfect blend of musicality and solo work, as Dom (he likes this short-version of his name, he told me himself sometime ago while we were having a cold one at a local pub) manages with great success to avoid falling into the pitfall of “Look at me, I can shred, watch me do it for twenty minutes non-stop” kind of guitar wankery. Simply put, he starts slow, builds on the song, delivers the punchline (on the tasteful side) and then eases into the next song, as intended, never taking you by the throat and spoon-feeding you a bunch of random notes just for the sake of successfully navigating his fret board.

Here, listen yourself, so it may lock into your minds as you read the rest of my holy words, so say we all.

What comes next is more on the experimental side of metal, containing a set of tracks that could stand as an independent album, complete with lyrics that follow Israfel, the main character, “in his search for a new home and the self discovery of his superior inner design” (I told you and I'm telling you again, Dom is a frakkin’ genius). From the slow and peaceful intro that is Burning Day, the excellent acoustic work in The Equinigma, the down tuned epicness of Laudanum (killer song name, I tell you, Metallica take heed *fist raised*) all the way through the war chants of Nation, Born Fighting and Kill Division, we come to what is the next stand-out piece of the album, suitably named New Mood Therapy for a Medicated Babylon (you see, YOU SEE???),  in which Dom’s brother, Vincent, takes the helm of the keys and navigates through the ever changing soundscapes, creating a musical eargasm that comes second only to the first three tracks of this baby. After that, Eugenics and Home to Oblivion take on a more serious approach, with some chugga-chugga thrown in for diversity, along with (again) some excellent solo work from Dom. 

The only flaw that I can think of regarding this album is the subpar quality of the final track Lacrima Christi, compared to the rest of the songs. Those effects on the vocals are just pure and simply annoying and they go on for more than they should, even if the track is just two minutes long. But I’m willing to throw this personal consideration over my shoulder, as the song itself is not your standard album closer, since there are two more planned for this concept (damnit, Dom, why you make me wait so much for the second one?? *fist raised again*).

THE END. (see, I too can write an abrupt finale to my awesome review, just as Dom did with this album).

J/k there, but really, here’s a bit of a summary for you, the more lazy type:

Pros: great guitar work, keys that complement very well the other instruments, the general atmosphere of the album.

Cons: drumming is a bit standard, there’s really nothing to hold a candle to, considering the whole gamut borders more on the progressive side.

Highlights:  Starborn Part I-III, Laudanum, New Mood Therapy for a Medicated Babylon

Rating: 9

Track List:
  1. Starborn Part I: Empire of Light
  2. Starborn Part II: Citizen
  3. Starborn part III: On A Forever Road
  4. Burning Day
  5. The Equinigma
  6. Laudanum
  7. Nation
  8. Born Fighting
  9. Kill Division
  10. New Mood Therapy for a Medicated Babylon
  11. Eugenics
  12. Home To Oblivion
  13. Lacrima Christi

P.S:  Also, do yourself a favor and check out the piano work from Dom’s brother Vincent. Here’s a taste, you lazy monkeys.

July 25, 2012

Falkenbach - ...Magni Blandinn Ok Megintiri... (1998)

I'm certainly not the biggest folk/viking/pagan metal fan around. I'm basically clueless when it comes to bands that sing about sailing the seas on longboats and pillaging villages - the only ones I know are Arkona and Ensiferum. And Korpiklaani, I guess, but I hate them. What's with all the retarded songs about booze? Get real. Are Amon Amarth pagan metal, too? Doesn't matter, I hate them too. I'd rather watch paint dry than listen to a whole album by those hacks.

There is one folk metal band, though, that managed to capture me, and it's probably an unlikely one. Falkenbach is my single favorite Norse-themed band ever, probably because it ignores some of the trademarks of the genre. Booming, epic production? Nope, Falkenbach has more of a bedroom-like production, with rather thin guitars and buried drums. A thousand different whistles, flutes, gongs, trumpets, horns and other assorted "traditional" instruments, all playing at once? No dice, sole permanent member Vratyas Vakyas keeps it simple, using only drums, guitars, bass and synths. Highly polished vocals with female choirs and shit? Not really. Vratyas Vakyas also handles vocal duties. The growling vocals are pretty bad, but his clean, majestic voice more than makes up for it. Lyrics lifted from old Norse legends and tales? Actually, yes. Hey, I didn't say Falkenbach looks over all of the genre's staples. Despite his obvious disregard for some of folk metal's unwritten rules, Vratyas Vakyas manages to create some beautiful songs that, although rather repetitive, are highly atmospheric and speak of times long gone, of sword, shield and blood.

And he's doing it more honestly and confidently than 90% of all those jackasses wearing animal pelts and wearing battle make-up. I hope they all drown.

July 24, 2012

Cerebral Bore - Maniacal Miscreation (2010)

I'd  bore (see what I did there?) you to death by talking about this Scottish band's debut album and the utterly crushing mix of brutal death metal and deathcore they provide and their young female vocalist who sounds like a huge burly dude puking his guts out on record and the white guy moshing, but my orc warrior isn't gonna level itself. And honestly, what is there to say about this, really? If you like brutal death metal sprinkled with slamming deathcore bits, you'll surely enjoy this.

Don't worry though, as both I and Marco have some really cool articles coming down the pipe really soon. Marco is currently working on three separate posts about God knows what (probably his favorite forks for eating pasta because he's a gross Italian slime ball) and I will bring you a post on an amazing movie soundtrack and another food post, where I will talk shit about my country's national dish. EXCITING STUFF GOING ON.


July 23, 2012

Wormrot live @ Obscene Extreme 2012 Festival (Video)

This is too good to be missed. My favorite flip-flop wearing Singaporean grindcore sweethearts Wormrot have attended this year's Obscene Extreme Festival in the Czech Republic. Below, you can watch their full set at the fest and witness their tremendous energy and passion. I'm so fucking pissed I missed their show in Romania, but seriously, who the hell decided it was a good idea to have them play in a boring, tiny town that's a million miles away from where I live? Fuck that. 

July 22, 2012

Rings of Saturn - Embryonic Anomaly (2010)

This post is dedicated to fellow blogger Decapitated Saint. Know this: I refuse to be bullied by you any longer. For too long have you ignored by cries and pleas. In spite of all my protest, you keep writing about deathcore bands mere moments after I decide to, thus stealing my limelight and making me appear like a slowpoke. Well no longer! Consider this post a full-blown retaliation. I'm going all Jennifer Lopez in that movie where she gets revenge on her abusive ex-husband on your ass, boy!

Feel my wrath.

SO, Rings of Saturn is a band from California whose music is an insane, psychedelic blend of technical death metal and experimental deathcore. Embryonic Anomaly is their debut album and it was launched in 2010. As you may infer from their name, they mostly sing about FUCKING SPACE. Particularly, alien invasions. Have a peek at these lyrics from the song Corpses Thrown Across the Sky:
Slowly weakening the insides, paralysis leaves them on their knees, ontheir knees, begging for their lives, on their knees, begging fortheir fucking lives,Humans sliced apart, carnage fills the streets,dismantling what is left of humankind, beheaded, corpses thrownacross the sky, discarded, chaos and darkness engulfing earth, bodiesand loose limbs flowing through the blood red rivers  
Hmmm, all this senseless carnage of the human race reminds me of something: GIGANTIC BRAIN. Turns out, the similarities don't end with the subject matter. Like Gigantic Brain, Rings of Saturn also rely on an apocalyptic blizzard of insane drumming and hellish vocals to propel their music. The dual vocal attack (low growls and high-pitched shrieks) does a great job of conveying a sense of terror and despair, which is what you should be feeling when you're getting torn apart by alien death machines. The song structures are varied and interesting and - warning ahead - there are plenty of breakdowns to be had on Embryonic Anomaly, which I guess is where the deathcore tag comes from. Unlike Gigantic Brain, who used simplistic chugging guitar riffing in his genocidal hymns, the two guitarists in Rings of Saturn manage to successfully blend together crushing brutal death metal with nintendocore noodling, which can feel weird and out of place at the beginning, but it totally makes sense later on, after you've accustomed yourself to the feel of the music. 

All the cool kids have undoubtedly become intimately familiar with this promising band by now, though, so I guess I still am a slowpoke. Damn all! However, if you have not yet heard Embryonic Anomaly, I highly suggest you do so. These guys are gonna become huge and you don't want to be caught with your pants down when their new album Dingir comes out in late autumn. Peace out!

July 21, 2012

Orphaned Land - Mabool: The Story of the Three Sons of Seven (2004)

Ladies and gents, we got some great news for ya'll: Tzeeac has taken under its wing yet another mindless minion. He goes by the name of Zulu and, apparently, he's a hard-working member of society and an outstanding citizen. This contradicts pretty much everything we stand for, but hey, who are we to judge? He likes what we worship, so it should be a'ight. 

Without further ado, we present to you his very first review. We'll let you decide if he's cool enough to hang with us. 

I stumbled across this band (figuratively speaking, of course) about three years ago, while digging through allmighty Google for some Swallow the Sun reviews (I tend to do that sometimes, the digging up part) and they were pegged as something close to the second coming down of Christ. The band itself hails from Israel, specialize in blending death metal with jewish and arabic folklore and this album tells a story about the three angels that each represent a specific branch
of religion (Judaism, Islam and Christianity).

Birth of the Three starts the album a bit on the safe side, as the listener is introduced slowly to all that Orphaned Land stands for. It's not a great track per se, but for me it worked very well, because I was not disappointed with what came next: I say this because in many cases, a band pummels you with a great first song and then loses energy throught the course of the album -  here comes to mind the piece Scream Machine by Beyond Fear (Tim "The Ripper" Owens, anyone?) from the self-titled album.

What comes next is a sonic assault composed of crunchy guitars, clean and growled vox, some tasteful soloing (see the track The Storm Still Rages Inside), chants in Hebrew, Latin and Yemen (with lyrics taken from The book of Genesis and also from Rabbi Shalom ben Yosef Shabbazi's poems), some oriental percussion, keyboards, synths and piano (Norra el Norra stands apart with a great piano ending by Eden Rabin) and a sparring use of Bağlama, Bouzouki and Oud (google is your friend with these ones). In other words, the album is massive; and to get an idea of how massive it is, a total of 25 people are credited for the production of this beast, not including the five permanent band members.

As an overall feel, I'd have to say the flow is very good, and despite the constant changing of instrumental passages, the atmosphere is retained. The most important thing is that after you reach the end of the album, it does not feel like a random collection of songs, but a piece of music with an identity of its own. For me, it's what I strive to find in any musical entity, and here is where Mabool delivers the most.

What's there more to say, besides the fact that I highly recommend it? (not only to metal fans, but to every music listener with an open mind). Listen to it and make your own decision, but I doubt that you'll be disappointed.

Pros: Originality, flow, good mixing of different passages, interludes that you won't be skipping.

Cons: Death vocals could be a little more aggressive and the rhythm guitar sounds a bit flat (but I'm nitpicking here).

Highlights: The Kiss of Babylon, Halo Dies, Norra el Norra, The Storm Still Rages Inside
Rating: 9

Track List
  1. "Birth of the Three (The Unification)" – 6:57
  2. "Ocean Land (The Revelation)" – 4:43
  3. "The Kiss of Babylon (The Sins)" – 7:23
  4. "A'salk" – 2:05
  5. "Halo Dies (The Wrath of God)" – 7:29
  6. "A Call to Awake (The Quest)" – 6:10
  7. "Building the Ark" – 5:02
  8. "Norra el Norra (Entering the Ark)" – 4:24
  9. "The Calm Before the Flood" – 4:25
  10. "Mabool (The Flood)" – 6:59
  11. "The Storm Still Rages Inside" – 9:20
  12. "Rainbow (The Resurrection)" – 3:01

P.S: They had a show recently in Bucharest, but for reasons that I don't seem to remember I couldn't make it to see them, so for now I'm sticking to the album version. Next time I won't make the same mistake.

July 20, 2012

BR00TAL FRIDAY: Visceral Disgorge - Ingesting Putridity (2011)

I'm really busy today and I don't have time to ramble on about this, but it's enough to know that Ingesting Putridity by Maryland's Visceral Disgorge was one of 2011's best brutal death metal albums. There's enough slamz in here to keep you occupied until next Br00tal Friday, when I'll hopefully have more time. Sorry. Life got in the way.

July 18, 2012

TZEEEAC Podcast: Episode 1

After spending most of the day blasting music and tinkering around in Adobe Audition 3, I'm proud to present to you the first episode of the official TZEEEAC Podcast. I'm exhausted, but satisfied.

The first episode is just me, drunkenly stumbling across some of my favorite metal songs. I probably sound like an Eastern European retard. Oh well. I would love to hear some feedback on this, that is, of course, if anyone is willing to sit through almost an hour of non-stop metal awesomeness. Wait, why wouldn't you do that? Maybe next time I'll bring Marco along, for a double-dose of stupid.


1. Melechesh - Triangular Tattvic Fire
2. Splatter Whore - War in the Wasteland
3. Venom - Raise the Dead
4. Beznă Tvci - Precum Lupii pe Ogoare
5. Inquisition - Empire of Luciferian Rage
6. Impetigo - My Lai
7. Autopsy - Gasping for Air
8. Bathory - Kill Kill Kill
9. Windir - Todeswalzer
10. Macabre - Mary Ann
11. Tribulation - Beyond the Horror
12. Acid Bath - Tranquilized
13. Nunslaughter - Smell the Burning Churches
14. Darkthrone - Circle the Wagons
15. Horrific - Metal Cemetary

Download here.

Or just fucking listen to it below. Enjoy!

Those Who Lie Beneath - An Awakening (2009)

In case you haven't yet had time to let Marco's AMAZING ANNOUNCEMENT truly sink in (hint: he's going to write something), here's a great band from Portland, Oregon who took the core elements of death metal, added br00tal dethkore moshing bits and breakdowns, sprinkled some melodic death metal solos here and there and then mixed it all together and baked it in the Oven of Awesomeness. The result? An Awakening, Those Who Lie Beneath's debut album. I've been listening the shit out of this album this past week simply because it's fun and accessible while also being engaging and interesting to listen to. The vocals and general  moshcoreness of it all will probably offend death metal purists and make them shit their pants in anger - which makes it all the better!

Recently, though, they have decided to go a bit easy on the deathcore act and head towards a more straight-up evil death metal road, taking sepia-colored promo pictures with goat heads, candles and shit. They became a three-man unit and they've released a new EP called Antichrist, which you can listen to in its entirety here. It's not a huge musical departure from their previous style, so I'm guessing the fans aren't really upset about the sudden change. Plus, being a satanic death metal band means you gotta stop wearing those stupid plugs if you want any sort of street cred, which is in everyone's best interest.

July 16, 2012


2012 sucks balls. It's what you might call a ''weak'' year: mediocre and/or shit albums released, new projects announced in a  grossingly enthusiastic manner that won't interest me even if it involved flying spaghetti machines and, to top it all, none of my favorite bands have even the slightest intention to release something new in the near future.

Therefore, I've decided to write three tribute articles to three of my favorite bands of all time. If they're lazy to work on something knew, why shouldn't I be? It was high time I got all Robert Christgau on their asses anyway.

PORNOGRIND MONDAY: Clitgore / Necrovile

Much to the delight of at least one die-hard pornogrind maniac/TZEEEAC minion who's been really distressed about its disappearance, Pornogrind Monday is finally back, after two weeks of absence. The disturbing lack of bands that sing about being raped by animals on this blog has one simple explanation: I keep forgetting it's Monday because I'm an idiot.

Anyway, this week's Pornogrind Monday is super special, because it features not one, but two sweet Romanian bands. Granted, they both share half the members or so, but, in the words of Eddie Izzard, THAT DON'T MATTER, I SAY AGAIN - YOU FUCK MY WIFE?

First up, Clitgore is a pornogrind/goregrind band started in 2007 by Necrovile's bloody nurse and bassist, Ela. She actually set out to create the pornogrind version of Spice Girls, which would have been fucking awesome - imagine, an all-girl pornogrind band! Unfortunately, she wasn't able to find a full roster of girls who could play instruments AND be willing to sing about violent sex, so Clitgore ended up with a bunch of boys manning the instruments and vocals. That's still cool, though, because they're one of the funnest bands I've had the pleasure of seeing. I've attended two of their live shows and both times I had a gay old time as I was dancing like a maniac to the groovy beats of songs like In the Forest of Big Boobs or Anal Party. As far as I know, they're currently working on their first full-length album, but no further details are available.

Necrovile, on the other hand, is I guess the main project of these guys. They play straight-up brutal death metal and they have released a studio album called The Pungency of Carnage waaaaaaaaaay back in 2009. No real surprises here, it's just well executed death metal in the vein of Cannibal Corpse, complete with horror movie samples, as a nod to Impetigo, which I'm sure they're huge fans of. I've also seen Necrovile twice - the transition from Clitgore to Necrovile involved unplugging the mp3 player that had the programmed drum tracks and bringing in a real drummer - and I had a blast, even though the second time I was wasted from the Clitgore set so I had to sit down pretty much the whole time Necrovile played. LOL.

Well, that's it. Hope you give these guys a spin and catch them live if you have the chance, it'll be FUN. Catch you on the flippity-flop!

July 15, 2012

4 things I hate about modern music

 Sometimes I pause my winamp and let my mind go crazy in dark, unventilated places where one would never have the guts to wander. That’s when the cravings kick in and have .chester bring me some cocaine.

Given my rich experience in everything that has even the slightest, most microscopical link to music, I find myself obssesively noticing  every pattern, type or trend that could emerge.  As my history teacher once said, history has a habit of repeating itself after a period of time has passed between certain events ; humanity has been walking on the same circular road since its genesis, with minor deviations here and there... and so has music. 

Note:  4 months ago, when I started writing this article, I wanted to talk about annoying reccurencies that keep showing up in the whimsical world of music after a certain period of time has passed. But now I’m in fucking July and I’ve officialy turned this article  from an extensively reasearched historical one  into a stuttering rant. So if you feel like my cleverly written introduction has no place in such a garbage article, I’m sorry. I left it there out of narcissism.

So let’s start our bash-a-thon  with... 

4. Pop bands that are labeled as rock

Examples: Keane, Coldplay, Beady Eye, Kings of Leon, 

I know I’m going to find an insane amount of flaming shit at my doorstep the minute I post this article, but I just can’t help myself. I fucking hate pop-rock bands. 
Soooo hardcore.

And it’s not like I’d discriminate the people who like them, what shitty music they listen to is none of my  business.Whatever rocks your boat, dudes.Well, maybe it should be because, you know, I’m a rock critic wannabe and I have a moral responsibility to rise against everything that gets mainstream attention and praise from sold-out music critics while the band fails to achieve certain quality standards. Anyway, it’s not about the fans or even the genre itself, it’s about how the media is obscenely advertising  and labeling them as being genuine rock bands, with all rawness, blood and shit that comes with such a pure musical genre. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to get all preachy about what ’’true rock’’ represents (although I should, just for the sake of future generations). Every genre has its purpose, ideas and audience. But boy oh boy, how I hate to have something stuffed down my throat. Shame on them for thinking that they could make me listen to girl-bands like Coldplay while riding my Harley Davidson coked up and drunk. 

Even I couldn't put it better.

3. Nu-metal

Examples: Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit

Hey dudes, quick question:  Remember the Beastie Boys? Remember how awesome it was to finally find the kind of music that could really piss off your parents? Remember that strong anti-system attitude that you adopted by listening to their music? Man, those were the times.

Looking like an underpaid bank acccountant gets you loads of bitches.

I know, I might be a little young to talk about this because I didin’t catch them at the peak of their popularity, back in the mid 90’s. Still, their music and  message is pretty much universal and I’m pretty sure that even in freaking 2080 I’ll see kids listening to the Beasts on the street.

As much as it hurts to associate nu-metal bands with the Beasts (hell, even putting them on the same page screams of  blasphemous incestual rape), the Beasts were pretty much the precursors of nu-metal, for obvious reasons. Both share the same stylistic characteristics : heavy guitars, repetitive bass lines, frenetical drumming combined with rapping. 

Fortunately, there are a few pivotal differences between these too, one consisting in the overall quality and the other in the fans.  Long story short, the quality issue goes like this : the Beasts rock ass, while nu-metal sucks it. There you have it.

The fans suck too, by the way. This shit music gives them a feel of ’’edginess’’, of a false nonconformism. Basically, it appeals to empty-headed teens that feel cool by disagreeing with almost everything, and it’s fucking sad that music followed this path. 

2.  Dubstep/Drum and Base and the sorts

Example: Skrillex

Fuck dubstep. Fuck Drum and Base. Fuck the fans.  And while we’re into the fuck department, fuck people in general, too.

One of Tzeeeac's mandatory hiring requirements is to master druidism.

I might be a tad radical about this, but I can’t help myself. What started as an awesome, original idea back in the early 2000’s has been turned into a syntetized diahreea for urban prebuscent unsecure girl looking boys so they could shake their feet like a bunch of retarded horses.

It’s infuriating because I used to be a fan, too. It was something new,  special, because I never knew you could create such a lifefull music by using those devilish machineries. And like all the good things, the people ruined it. We wanted more of it, we wanted it to get mainstream, because with notoriety, artists get money, which can be used to create even more awesome music.  So we got Skrillex.

Thankfully, there are a few exceptions. So I might not look for those rope discounts after all.

1.  Vinyl Discs
Examples: Every fucking band with a budget that excedes two dollars.

I know what you’re going to say. Vinyl discs are a desperate measure to counter piracy,  an evil, obscure and satanical practice, perpetrated by diabolical individuals whose only purpose is to hit the artists where it hurts the most:  their finances. Because art costs, it’s needy, and even if artists do it just for the pleasure of it, they too are human and need some basic  stuff, you know? They can’t feed on air.

 Man, if i had the money, resources and powerful connections, I’d hire an entire choir of North Korean children  to call bullshit on that. Let me help you with an example: Let’s say a bunch of talented, ambitious senior highschoolers from Turtleshit, Kentucky decide to form an indie rock band.

Hey, nobody said anything about good looks.

 They start out by rehearsing in their drummers garage, who happens to have open-minded parents that support him and are too busy fucking all the time to be disturbed by the noise.  A few months later, things are still good. They wrote a few songs, the chemistry is starting to kick in and they’re getting better and better.  Being a band and all, it’s just a matter of time until they get in touch with other local bands, who share their ambition and dreams.  Later on, they start gigging in sleazy hipster clubs and get a bit of ackowlegement.  This step being taken, shit just got serious. They want to be bigger, they want to be famous , but reality strikes hard : to get a good manager, they need money.  To record an album, they need money. To start gigging in other places than sleazy strip clubs, they need money for a good manager to get them concerts and , again, the bar won’t let them have a gig there for free. 

So do you really think that a poorly funded undeground band would invest time, effort and unexisting financial resources into something as snobish and elitist as vinyl discs, just to counter piracy? This isin’t about small bands at all. It’s about the big ones.  The way I see it, it’s just a subtle way of declaring that they’re important, special and relevant by obscenely appealing to a niche audience and exploiting the shit out of them. Seriously, who owns a pick-up these days? And a fully functional one too; for that, you would have to buy one of those new ones, which are fucking expensive, by the way. So isin’t a record just to sit on your shelve? 

 It’s the same scheme that Hollywood uses these days by releasing stupid superhero movies.  They’re entertaining, yes, and fun to watch, but it can have some terrible repercursions on the long run.  As long as people keep asking The Man to satisfy their most idiotic and specific interests (be it in music or movies) there’s a big chance we won’t see something useful or even original for a long time. 

Have you noticed the patterns? Because I have, and it’s starting to creep me out. It’s like living in a world where everything is a copy of another copy, with slight changes that trick you into believing that you’re not living in an eternal present. 

Call National Security, Marco made a smart joke.

July 13, 2012

My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult - 13 Above the Night (1993)

I've been listening to My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult's 1993 opus 13 Above the Night all day today, while riding the bus to and from the mighty Bucharest city. MLTKK were (still are, actually) an American industrial-electronic music group who are responsible for perpetuating some of the best electronic tunes ever conceived on Planet Earth. I'm way too tired to start writing endless paragraphs about how awesome these guys are, so I'm just going to urge you to listen to this ASAP. However, what I am going to do is copy the notes I made on a piece of paper while listening to this and nearly falling asleep. I think it'll be a more concise way of letting you know what's up with this album and it'll also allow me to go to bed early. So, without further ado - because I need my rest after eating a shitty pizza in the fucking railway station like a homeless person - here are my notes on 13 Above the Night:


- paranoia

- city lights

- evil

- dystopian cybernetic future

- electronic/soul/funk/industrial

- sexy music

- lots of B-movie samples

- Matthew Hopkins, Witch Finder General 

- the soundtrack to dancing the night away inside an alien disco


- devil worship

- also the soundtrack to driving across the urban wasteland while apocalyptic outlaw bandits riding on motorcycles shoot at you

- past and present members include people with names like Groovie Mann, Buzz McCoy, Sinderella Pussy, Sekret Dame DeZyre, Kitty Killdare and Dick Fury.

If none of my notes make you wanna print out pictures of the album cover, put them in a blender, add water and strawberries, blitz it all into a smooth paste then smear it all over your nipples, I deem you small and worthless. GET GROOVIN' MOTHERFUCKERS!

BR00TAL FRIDAY: Voracity - Demo (2012)

Today I'm in the bullshit capital of Bucharest on some legal business and I'm riding around in smelly buses while dodging the infernal heat, which means I'm not around for Br00tal Friday. This post was actually written yesterday, so it's kinda like you're reading a message from the future. Or the past. Dinosaurs. What?

Anyway, fear not, as I'm most likely blasting some sweet death metal either way - you know how I be - and I'm still here to bring you our weekly feature. Voracity is a young up-and-coming brutal death metal outfit from fucking Ukraine, which should already make your slam sense tingle, because everybody knows the Slavs got it going on. Their self-titled demo shits forth six tracks of unapologetic slam death insanity complete with gut-churning guitar chugs, plenty of blast beats, ultra-low gargled vocals and even some pig squeals thrown in for good measure.

It's promising stuff, as these guys keep it pretty oldschool, delivering the sick jamz like in the days of early Devourment. So in short, GET THIS. By the time you're reading this, I'm hopefully done lurching around the big city and I'm cooling off at Burger King. Oh wait, I can't, because Burger King has packed their bags and left. FML.

July 12, 2012

Ophidian I - Solvet Saeclum (2012)

Ophidian I (is it like Ophidian the First or Ophidian Me? No idea) is a young band hailing from Iceland who seem to have taken the two biggest trends in death metal cover artwork right now and merge them together. The cover of their debut album Solvet Saeclum - which roughly translates to dissolving the world, as far as I can tell -  features piles of rotting corpses, planets, cosmic space and MOTHERFUCKING SPACE SHUTTLES LAUNCHING OFF INTO ORBIT WITH EXPLOSIONS AND SHIT. I think it's great. For too long bands have been forced to choose between brutal depictions of beheaded corpses and cosmic landscapes - Ophidian I has paved a new road, a road where having the best of both worlds is possible. For that, I applaud them.

GJ, bros!
As far as the music goes, Ophidian I play furious technical death metal that draws its influences from bands like Decrepit Birth, Obscura, Necrophagist or Odious Mortem. This should be enough to let you know what you're dealing with: highly competent tech death played at a blistering pace, featuring occasional groove sections, varied, technical drumming, bass solos and a vocalist providing growling vocals that fit the music perfectly but are nothing to write home about.

I've seen people call this band "average" and I suppose it's true to a certain degree, especially if you were to compare Ophidian I to tech death titans like The Faceless, Gorod or Spawn of Possession. However, I do think that tech death fans have an aggravating tendency to become rather blasé after being exposed to countless hours of irrational fret board gymnastics courtesy of the aforementioned bands (or any other bands they might hold in high regard). It's easy, then, to forget, just how much work and passion lesser known bands like this pour into their music and to write them off simply because they are yet unable to stand toe to toe with your favorite freaky alien guitarists. 

What I'm saying is some people need to stop being such elitist pricks and give new bands a fair chance before casting them off into the meh barrel. Ophidian I show a lot of promise, they play totally decent spaceship metal and you should check them out.  Solvet Saeclum is a great debut album and hopefully the first of many more to come. 

Transcend the hate, brozillas!

Cheers to JGD for the rec.

July 11, 2012

Lurker of Chalice - S/T (2005)

American sweetheart Wrest is best known for his one-man black metal project Leviathan, which I'm sure most of you are already familiar with. Wrest's side project, though, is the one that really interests me. The mysteriously-named Lurker of Chalice is a musical entity that tries to provide another side to Wrest's music. Whereas Leviathan pukes forth hateful, misanthropic black metal about suicide and the world's end, Lurker of Chalice instead focuses on creating sonic landscapes and exploring the ambient side of black metal. It's a damn shame that Wrest chose to focus on his main project while leaving Lurker of Chalice to... lurk in the shadows, having released only one full-length album under this moniker. It had the potential to  become an amazing thing.

Wrest - black metal overlord and professional tattoo artist.

The self-titled debut album is a highly atmospheric work, combining the harsh sounds of black metal with ambient elements and various vocal samples. It's not a particularly easy listen, as most songs tend to be on the long side, with repetitive guitar parts and monotone drumming, but giving it a careful listen is well worth the effort. The guitar riffs are dense and claustrophobic and they feel like a thick fog enveloping the songs, through which the drums and vocals are struggling to shine through. Wrest's vocals are deep, echoed growls which are sometimes counterbalanced by various chanting, as well as by the clear vocal samples he employs. The atmosphere, then, quickly becomes suffocating, transporting you to a place of deep sadness and despair, with just a touch of hope and optimism hidden under all the grime.

Songs like Piercing Where They Might, Spectre As Valkyrie Is or This Blood Falls as Mortal Part III are the absolute best on the album. The last one, in particular, has captured me in ways I never thought possible. The song begins with an ambient synth layer on top of which an ethereal female voice softly talks about feeling hollow on the inside. A brief piercing sound follows and gives the signal for the guitars and drums to kick in. The beautiful, moody guitars are cleverly outweighed by Wrest's nightmarish vocals, worming around in the background, while the drums follow a simple pattern that lends a hypnotic quality to the whole track. The song manages to draw you in and compels you to fall into a deep trance - which is why I heartily recommend you to listen to it at night. It'll be magical.

Or horrifying. 

There's no sign that Wrest is ever going to revive Lurker of Chalice, which makes me wanna reach the tenth sub level of suicide (see what I did there?) because this is one of those musical projects that has managed to bury itself deep inside my soul and chain me until the end of time. It's a damn shame, like I said earlier, but I'm retaining a faint glitter of hope that maybe, someday, LoC will make an unexpected appearance. It's possible. Stranger things have happened.

Sigh... Maybe I'll give True Traitor, True Whore a listen.

July 10, 2012

Mayhem - Wolf's Lair Abyss (1997)

I'm blasting this at full volume with the lights off and my room feels like a hell hole. Wolf's Lair Abyss is one of Mayhem's best releases ever and probably one of the most vicious pieces of music ever created. I still remember the first time I heard I Am Thy Labyrinth a few years ago and I couldn't believe a human being was capable of producing such infernal noise. Maniac was on to something, man.

July 8, 2012

A scatterbrain sings of christians (...and the ghoul bares teeth)

Chester and Marco have gone to the beach to regain their inspiration (and ogle some scantily clad chicks in the meantime), so for today you’ll have to do with this guest post. At first I wrote a cookie-cutter review of Current 93’s “An Introduction to Suffering”, but then I remembered this is gonna get posted on Tzeeeac, so I cut off most of the crap. This is what was left, specially arranged in list form for you ADHD simians.

- Current 93 is the band most often cited as a major influence by quirky avantgarde/neofolk/2deep4u ensembles.[citation needed]

- They have released over 30 albums. All of them – with the exception of “Lucifer over London” – have awful covers. All of them.

- I first learned of Current 93 while I was looking at some half-naked pics of Maniac (don’t ask). He was no longer the vocalist of Mayhem then, playing in Skitliv instead, along with Niklas Kvarforth of Shining fame. In one of the pics he sported this large tattoo on his chest, spelling “Who will deliver me from myself?” in the curly, classy typeset of a tramp stamp.

- Upon further searching, I found out it was a line from “Black Ships Ate the Sky”, by Current 93. I still feel a hole in my stomach when I recall listening to it for the first time. The bleak, distorted pulse of the backtrack and the repulsive voice really put me off at that time.

- Last week I’ve been listening to Kiss the Anus of a Black Cat’s “An Interlude To The Outermost” – a long time favorite – and it dawned to me that I should look for more bands in this weird experimental folk vein. Main influence: Current 93.

- Despite its name, “An Introduction to Suffering” is not the best choice for those who haven’t listened to Current 93 before. As I found out only afterwards, it is a compilation of alternate versions and other previously unreleased stuff.

- It is, however, a quite nice showcase for the range of their style, from folky tunes and poem reciting to synthy instrumentals and mad rambling. Some of the songs ended up on my bedtime playlist. <3 “All the Pretty Little Horses” and “Judas as Black Moth”.

- After this pleasant experience, I grew a pair and revisited “Black Ships Ate the Sky”, this time listening to the full album. I was simply blown away. Heard in this context, the title track provides a strong and satisfying musical and conceptual climax.

- The highlight of the album is “Idumæa”, a christian hymn present here in 7 versions, each sung by a different guest artist. Other great tracks are “Sunset (The Death of Thumbelina)”, “Black Ships Were Sinking Into Idumæa” and “Why Cæsar Is Burning Part II”. Actually I liked all the songs; they all contribute to the menacing and mystic end-of-the-world feeling of the album.

- The Tzeeeac tumblr is slowly reaching 93 followers. You can be the final Cæsar. Come and join us.


July 6, 2012

BR00TAL FRIDAY: Gore Obsessed - Blood, Boobs & Gore (2010)

Today's BR00TAL FRIDAY feature is a sweet one-man band from the Netherlands called Gore Obsessed. This dude is a total scumfuc and he plays some great blood-soaked grinding death metal in the vein of Blood Freak, Fondlecorpse and Lord Gore.

If you're familiar with any one of these bands, you already know what to expect: grinding guitars, sweet grooves, distorted bass, simple and effective drumming, sickening gurgled vocals and a complete obsession for sleazy giallo, exploitation, grindhouse and slasher movies.

You can download Blood, Boobs & Gore and most of Gore Obsessed's terrific material straight from the official website for free, which I think is mighty cool of this guy. Get creepy!