February 25, 2014

El Camino Car Crash - Routine (2014)

It can be a good or a bad thing if bands wear their influences on their sleeves. In the case of El Camino Car Crash, well, everybody knows where that name was taken from... but they sound nothing like it. When I put the needle on the record, for the first couple of seconds I seriously thought that I was listening to a Beastie Boys sample because the vocals sound a whole lot like Mike D. But unfortunately... oh well... this is where the good, good things end. 

Jello Biafra said "Cock rock metal is like a bad laxative. It just don't move, you know?" in 1986, and 15 years later I might add: "Amen, Jello! And modern hardcore, too." El Camino Car Crash seem to be good people, their label Take It Back is good ("TAKE IT BACK supports an anti-racist, anti-fascist, religion-free, gay-positive, pro-choice, drug-free, and animal-friendly attitude."), and this EP is pretty nice and decent. But holy fucking shit! I don't want my hardcore to be nice and decent, I want it to be angry, furious, violent, noisy, fucked up and offensive... is that really to much to ask?! 

I don't want lyrics like "Big, big, bigger, we need to grow / don't, don't, don't, don't stop the flow / more, more, more, in the convenience store / earn, earn, earn, and don't forget to learn." ... I mean... honestly?! If there is a band that has a record out with lyrics like these, then I am the fucking Morrissey of the ghetto (which I am, no doubt, but that's another story for another day). Maybe it is something about getting older, but this shit makes me fucking angry... and anger is something that this band would need: scream because you're fucking furious, not because you can't hold a note! And don't put your friends on the cover and in the booklet because I don't feel like looking at pictures of kiddies (unless they are female jailbait), and hardcore is not something everyone should agree on. Hardcore should alienate and offend people! And yeah, well... this record is offensive to me, just not in the way I want it.

I am sorry, dear El Camino Car Crash (well, not really... but it sounds nice if I say that!), but someone has to drop their skinny jeans and get the long overdue spanking from this grumpy grandpa. Today it's your turn. At least the record title is appropriate, I'll give you that. At least the songs are short. That said, Routine is as exciting as: 

  • German political correctness,
  • vegan acoustic hangouts,
  • non-alcoholic beer,
  • the tote bag merchandise line of any "crust" band post-2003, or
  • the reincarnation of Black Flag.

Thanks, but no thanks.


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