Mutation - Error 500 (2013)

Being heralded "the next step in the evolution of extreme music", this album could have been the best record of the past year - in theory. Napalm Death's Shane Embury in the studio with Ginger Wildheart of The Wildhearts and Jon Poole of The Cardicas, some highly illustrious guest musicians... well, that could have been pure sonic terrorism. However, the only uprest and agitation this causes is the ruckus a 12 year old boy with a fake beard screaming "Jihad!" would stir on the playground, which is - let's be honest - not very much.

Yes, it's well done. These guys know what they are doing. But at the end of the day, good intentions don't make good records. The supposed musical extremity here is nervous math rock riff after weirdo break (hey, it's on Mike Patton's Ipecac Recordings, what did you expect?!), with some effects here and there. This is not brutal, it's just annoying. I hated mathematics in school, so why the fuck would I listen to math rock? It makes no sense, just like these songs don't.

Given, there are a few good moments on Error 500. Merzbow brings the noise on a track, but it sounds so tame that his chickens could have done it - in a karada. Mark E Smith slurs some toothless gibberish about bleeding shoelaces. Embury is still funny to look at (am I the only one who thinks he looks and plays like a balding Buzz Osborne?). But... but... that's just not enough. I am sure that the boners of Bitch Pitchfork hipsters will be pressing hard against their skinny jeans, but sorry: the emperor just does not wear any clothes.

Nice try, next.

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