ROGER WATERS THE WALL - Bucharest, 2013

Let me put it this way: two days later, I'm still shitting rainbows. And unicorns. Tomorrow I might shit the Powerpuff Girls, but that remains to be seen.

So yeah, defecation-related puns aside, I went to Bucharest with my special lady to see Roger. After waiting in line for two hours and trying to come up with the most inventive ways to blame Roger for Pink Floyd's breakup, we were finally allowed to enter. Needless to say, as soon as the doors to Paradise were opened, a flood of 15 year olds wearing Pink Floyd T-shirts bought just before the concert sprang towards the entrance, while I swaggered along in the most conspicuous way possible. After I was thoroughly frisked by THE MAN, I went scouting for some food and water, since I wasn't allowed to bring any of my own. And yeah, I know, it's a concert, things are supposed to be expensive, what did you expect you retarded chimp, oh my god, blah blah blah, but 7 RON (2 dollars) for a tiny glass of water is just fucking crazy. So I decided that I'd rather die of starvation and dehydration than buy their shit.

Anyway, I had the cheapest ticket available, hence I didn't expect to see much and ooooh, how wrong I was. Being so far away from the stage, I could see the whole freaking wall, which is not the case for the PATRICIANS who sold their families to the Somali pirates in a desperate attempt to raise money for a more expensive ticket. I also had the opportunity to sit on the grass like a dirty hippie and smoke one cigarette after another while I waited two and a half hours for the concert to start. All of a sudden, two big fucking fireworks were launched and bricks were shat. I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time, and there it was.

As you all probably know, the album itself explores the life of Pink (a character based on Roger Waters), the unreliable narrator, whose father was killed during World War II. Pink is oppressed by his overprotective mother and abused by tyrannical teachers at school. He eventually becomes a rock star and descends into a life of drugs and violence. After his relationship ends, he builds a  ''wall'' around him, separating himself from society. Hidden behind the wall, Pink's mental state deteriorates as he pictures himself as some kind of Nazi dictator performing at rallies, where he sends people he deems unworthy to execution. Feeling crushed by guilt, he places himself on trial, after which he tears down the wall, opening himself to the outside world.

Now, I'm not going to analyze this concert song by song, moment by moment because it would take forever to talk about every single detail. It's a cerebral, visual experience that can't be put into words. What I CAN tell you is that everything, from the production values to Roger's spoken Romanian were top notch. The sound effects were brilliant - I could hear every single cymbal, riff, etc as if I was listening to the damn thing on my headphones. The projections on the wall - clear as the sky on a hot summer day, creepy like a clown walking and talking in reverse. The plane that fucking CRASHED into the wall at the end of the first song - craaaaaazyyyy. There was also a huge flying pig inscribed with fascist-like symbols and oh-so ironic messages such as ''Trust us'' , a big, ugly and disfigured... figurine (Pink's abusive teacher, basically) who was trying to stomp the choir of children on Another Brick on The Wall aaaand the occasional female nudity on the projections that accompanied one of my favorite songs of all time, Young Lust , to which I whispered into my girlfriend's ear : ''Those are the biggest tits I've ever seen in my life''. Fortunately, she was supportive enough as to not let me sleep in the rain that night.

But when I heard the haunting gibberish that serves as the intro for Comfortably Numb, I almost burst into tears of joy and happiness. My girlfriend started trembling and my excruciating headache caused by a severe lack of food and water suddenly vanished. When the first solo hit my eardrums, the guitarist appeared on the top of the wall in front of a spotlight, casting his huge shadow on the building behind us. You don't see something like this everyday. It was... just, I don't know. Beautiful. Pure genius. It's been on my mind since then, and it'll probably stay there for a long, long time.

I don't know how to end this, so I'll leave you with a picture of a little souvenir I picked up on my way home and a piece of the giant fascist pig that I mentioned before. Now please excuse me, I got some manly tears that are in a desperate need to be shed.